(Bonus Episode) Confidence, Conflict, And The Courage To Listen

Host: Coach Paul Ybarra

Episode Overview: In this episode, Coach Paul dives deep into the art of navigating disagreements and the importance of stepping outside our echo chambers. He challenges listeners to rethink how they handle opposing viewpoints, explaining that true confidence isn't about always being right—it's about being open enough to listen, process, and grow.

Key Takeaways: The Art of Great Conversations & Listening with Intent

• Listen to understand, not just to reply: Shift your focus to truly hearing the other person. Tune into their heart, their pulse, and their emotions without the immediate intent to formulate a response.
• Embrace the power of differing perspectives: Just like a car battery requires both positive and negative polarities to generate power, we need both supportive and challenging voices in our lives to avoid putting a lid on our potential.
• Have "skin in the game": If you are going to disagree or debate, bring context and proof. Simply dropping a dismissive one-liner without offering a foundation for your viewpoint shuts down meaningful dialogue.
• Ask the right questions: Asking questions creates a safe space for others to share and makes you a more proficient communicator. It allows you to dissect different perspectives rather than straining to prove your own point.
• It's okay to pause: If you feel a disagreement but aren't sure how to articulate it, it shows true confidence to ask for a few minutes to collect your thoughts rather than just bluntly stating, "I don't agree".

Call to Action: Are you looking to rebuild your identity, sharpen your clarity, and lead with conviction? For daily inspiration and motivational quotes, text "text me" to 719-509-1005! (Note: Coach Paul mentions 719-509-0005 in the audio, but you can use your requested number for your specific materials!)

Additional Resources Mentioned:

• Join the Kingdom Linked Network Facebook group to connect with other kingdom builders. CLICK HERE
• Tune into the Deeper Waters Bible study on Monday nights. (Text the number above)

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Transcript

Setting The Stage From The Heart

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, hey, hey, and welcome back, y'all. This is episode number nine, or should I say, conversation number nine. And I'm super excited to bring this topic today. Today I'm I'm really sharing from my heart. I'm sharing from a situation that I was in today that I really felt impressed to talk about it and to really express how I feel about it simply because, well, you'll get the gist here in a moment. All right. So we're gonna get started. If you're you know what? Let me just let me just let me just break it down.

Handling Disagreement Without Feedback

SPEAKER_00 0:33

When you're in a situation that you don't have feedback from a person that disagrees with what you're saying, what do you do with that? How do you maneuver through that? And that's what we're gonna unpack today. All right, stay tuned. Welcome to Build for Confidence, the podcast where kingdom builders rebuild identity, sharpen clarity, and lead with conviction. I am your host, Coach Paul Ibarra, and every week we're cutting through the noise to help you stop second guessing, start deciding, and build with confidence right where God has placed you. So listen, drop a review, drop a comment, hit that like, subscribe, all the things, and let's get started.

Show Intro And Mission

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Okay. So when a person you're in a situation, you're in a conversation, you're in a dialogue, you're you post something on Facebook, you put something out on Instagram, and it may be something that is causing people to answer or

Text Blast Pushback And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 1:59

reply. So this morning I sent out my text blast, all right, with my motivational quotes and all the things that I do that I do daily. Um, if you want to be a part of that, type the word text me, text me at 719-509-1005, and I'll get you a part of that list. And so in this conversation, again, I'm not gonna put anybody's names out there or anything, there was a few replies that came back that were, I'm not gonna say coming against what I said, but they didn't agree with what I said. Cool, not a problem. I have no problem with people disagreeing with what I say. Because if I have a problem receiving a disagreement, then I am a foolish man, right? The truth is this I am so open-minded that I want to hear someone else's perspective. So half the time that I send these texts out, I want a reply back to see what the person is saying. I don't want to bring motivation to people that are just sheep, right? However, let me just break this down.

Confidence In Conversations

SPEAKER_00 3:10

However, if you're going to debate, at least have some skin in the game that is going to give me the opportunity or the other person the opportunity to understand where you are coming from. Does that make sense? The scenarios that you live in life, and this is where I want you to really focus on your confidence because that's what built for confidence is all about. It's about sharing ideas, perspectives, and being confident in who you are, being confident in your response, being confident in what you receive, and being confident in what you give. That's what confidence is all about, especially in a conversation. So when you're in a conversation and you disagree with somebody, at least have the audacity to say, you

The Barbecue Fly Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 4:13

know what? I don't really know how to reply to what you're saying right now. All I know is there's a check in my spirit that is telling me that it's different than yours. Can you give me a few minutes to collect my thoughts and give you that answer? That to me is more professional, it's more bold, it's more confident, it's more conversational than just saying, I don't agree with what you're saying. Does that make sense? It's kind of like going to a barbecue and you're eating, you're grilling meat, you got people hanging around, you got kids playing, you're just having a wonderful, awesome day during the summertime and everything's going good. And then all of a sudden, there's this one fly that comes in and does not leave anyone alone. Y'all know what I'm talking about because you've been there too. Y'all know what I'm talking about because you've swatted that fly. And this is where it's imperative that we understand that instead of us being able to just slap a person because we can't, we can swat a fly, but don't go out and start swatting people. How about you just have a conversation?

What Happened To Hard Talks

SPEAKER_00 5:28

You know, I was talking to a very good friend of mine, Jody Mesa, earlier today, just about an hour ago, and I was telling her about this situation. And she's like, wow, the person didn't even respond. I said they responded with one liner, and then I responded back, and then crickets. And you know, me being a being being the uh the positive thinker, like, well, maybe they got busy. That's cool. Like, maybe this, maybe that. However, it got me thinking. So I was talking to Ms. Jody, and I'm like, you know, I could remember as a kid, we'd have disagreements with our friends, and sometimes we'd box it out and still be friends. I could still remember when I was a kid, my parents would talk politics with friends and family, right? And they might not have been backing up the same party, but they were still friends. You follow me? And so I'm like,

Do We Need Only Positivity

SPEAKER_00 6:27

what happened to that day and age? And here's what I started thinking about, and that's why today's podcast is a little bit different than I did last week. Last week I did a deep dive. Next week I'm gonna have somebody come on as a guest, it's gonna be amazing. Um, but I started thinking about like was that a negative thing that happened? And sometimes it can be a negative thing. And I've had conversations with people, and I want to have this conversation with you today. Like, is it always good to be around positive people that are gonna constantly always cheer you on? I would venture to say no. Is it always good to be about around bad people? I

Battery Polarity And Power

SPEAKER_00 7:15

would say it's not good. Now here's the thing in life, you need both good and bad to happen in order for there to be power. Now you're saying, probably scratching your head, like, which you talking about, Coach Paul? Listen, I want you to think about a battery to an automobile. A battery has two polarities, right? They're polarized. Negative, positive, plus subtract sign. Both together make the car run. But they have to meet in the middle somewhere to destroy to distribute power. Make sense? You look at your house, you have a hot, a neutral, and a ground. Same concept. You come together, you form a connection, now there's power. The same with our conversations. We cannot be afraid to hear a negative thing. We cannot be afraid to hear a positive thing. But if all we're hearing, and this is where our egos get blown up, this is where we think we know it all, because people are like, man, you are a beast at that. Guess what? All of a sudden, now all I'm saying is I'm a beast at that. What does that do? That limits and that puts a cap on my jar. It puts a lid on my jar. But when you have people in your life, and they don't have to be necessarily negative, but people that challenge you, it's gonna challenge you to go deeper. Now, this person did not reply. Maybe they did get busy. Maybe to them they're like, I ain't got time to reply to that. That's their choice. But it got me to thinking how many conversations are left on a table

Challengers Grow Us

SPEAKER_00 9:10

simply because one party doesn't want to confront that issue. They want to be so right in themselves that they don't want to hear someone else's perspective. They don't want to, they're so afraid of being wrong because of what they've learned, of what they paid into, whatever that is, they're so fixed on no, this is it, this is it. Jesus himself said, You strain so hard on the gnat. You strain so hard on the gnat that you're missing the whole entire picture. And that's where it's imperative and it's powerful in our own minds that we're able to have a conversation to say, huh? You know what? I don't agree with that, but I'm gonna ponder on that for a little bit. And what if you start dissecting that other person's perspective? And what if you actually came back with your perspective to say, okay, I understand this and this and this of what you said. But here's my perspective on this, this, and that. Can we have a conversation about that? Absolutely. I have no problem having a conversation with somebody. I have no problem opening up my mind to receive what they have for me. Are you gonna change my mind? I don't know. But if you can show me the proof, show me some proof in what you're saying is true, then I'm gonna look at that

Ponder, Proof, And Perspective

SPEAKER_00 10:40

in different lenses. You know, going over to Israel has really broadened my perspective to understand that not everything that we've been taught traditionally. Now, for those of you that won't right now that are already thinking like, oh, he's saying that the Bible is all false. No, I didn't say what was in the Bible, what was taught throughout tradition. Because here's the thing when you are told not to look for something, guess what? You won't go look for it. But if you hear someone say, go dig in there for yourself and look at the proof, now you've got the proof, you're like, oh wow, this is so good. So this is where, as I grab my water because my throat is a little bit dry. As we look at these perspectives, y'all, there's some times that you're gonna have to unlearn some things, and here's why. So you can create the space with someone else to help them through a situation. So you can create the space, especially those that call themselves kingdom coaches. You're

Unlearning To Create Space

SPEAKER_00 12:02

so adamant, you're so on the straight line that what if you just bent just a bit to say, you know what? Let me go hear what this person has to say. Without the intent to respond. What if you just listened in to their heart? What if you listened in to their pulse? What if you listened in to their emotion? What if you actually listened in and not only listened in, but tuned in to Holy Spirit to hear exactly what they are saying? Because the more questions you ask is gonna make you that much more proficient, and that's where the keys to the kingdom are. There's so many keys to the kingdom, but that's one of them: asking the right questions and also creating the space for another person to still remain themselves. Jesus corrected religious folk. That's who he corrected.

Listen For Heart, Not A Rebuttal

SPEAKER_00 13:12

The people, like the woman with the with the with um at the well, he asked her questions. She answered her own mess. When it came to the Pharisees, he said, You brutta vipers, you guys are idiots. What are you doing? You follow what I'm saying? So when there's a conversation and you want to debate, please have some skin in the game. There are conversations that people have that I'll be listening in and they're like, what do you think? I'm like, I'm not part of this conversation. You know why? Because I don't have skin in the game, I don't have proof of what uh what I want to say, and or I know I'm gonna lose that argument, so I'm not even gonna get into it. Does that make sense? So listen, what can you do today to listen just a little bit more? And how do you want to proceed in that as well? I hope this has blessed you today. I hope this heartbeat of this podcast is

Ask Better Questions, Keep Identity

SPEAKER_00 14:23

helping you see things out of a different perspective. And if you want to be a part of our Kingdom Link network, head on over to our Facebook group. That link will be down below. Come check us out. We also have our deeper waters um Bible study tonight, which is a Monday night, uh, five o'clock my time, six central, seven o'clock Eastern. And we're we're we're diving into the word, y'all. Okay, we got some other things going on, but I don't want to overwhelm you with all kinds of stuff because I don't want to confuse you as well. But I hope this has blessed you today. Head on over to my email list if you have not yet. Sign up for my text blasts and um all that information is down below. All right. So that's what I got for now. I love y'all. God bless you, and we'll catch you on conversation number 10. I want to thank you once again for tuning in to the Built for Confidence podcast. If you have found value in any of these episodes, do me a huge favor, drop me a review, and also let me know which episode has touched your life.

Jesus, Religion, And Real Dialogue

SPEAKER_00 15:35

My passion is to help business owners grow, scale, and expand for the kingdom of God. So let's get out there, let's build our businesses, share this out, hit that like, all the things, and we'll catch you on our next episode. God bless you.